Everyone loves Wesker
by Hunter.Imeetari
Summary: What happens under the influence of giggling teenage girls, a cafeteria and fangasm-waiting-to-happen that is Albert Wesker.


Once upon a time there was a man named _Albert Wesker. _He was secretly a fairy princess. Also, less secretly he was a fairy (you know... _Gay_) so, Albert Wesker had an assistant named _William Birkin _who was not a fairy-anything, literally, but did think Albert had a nice ass.

One day William was working like the good worker he is and decided to _bust some moves_ all over Albert. Albert, though he enjoyed William's moves, had a reputation to uphold...so in an effort to get William to stop he revealed that he was a fairy princess.

Things did not go as planned.

And lasted longer than seven minutes.

"That's hot," William drawled, leaning all over Albert.

"Yes, so... wait what?" Albert said shoving William away... roughly.

"Fairies, you know, they're sexy." William waved a hand vaguely as if that explained everything. And it did. "I did some research."

Albert had nothing to say to that and started to walk away (in his normal gait that William thought was super sexy).

"You know..." William said walking behind Albert – always up for a front row view of that leather clad arse. "It fits. They're sadistic... you're sadistic... they're insanely attractive... you're insanely attractive... they have amazing hair... you have amazing hair... they're really good with their hands ... you're—"

"Stop," Albert said in his husky like-velvet command voice. William would heel to that voice.

"Sure," William said. He's probably really out of character but who cares? Fanfiction isn't meant to be in character. Do I look like the screen writer for capcom? I know I should be you can bottle your praise but the fact is – I'm not.

Anyway.

"Good." Albert kept walking.

William smacked Albert's ass.

"!" Albert said (this is possible) and _whirled_ slamming his manly hand into William's (sexy) throat pinning him to the wall.

In case you couldn't guess Albert is all hot and bothered. William was always hot and bothered so there was no question as to how he was feeling – this is common knowledge. Wesker leaned into William, so close that he could smell Albert's manly musk (with a little bit of fairy dust which smells like mangos).

"Do _not_ touch me," Albert hissed fiercely before drawing away. William crumpled to the floor, the rush of blood was too much – he's lucky he didn't faint.

"A... Albert," William said struggling to his feet, he almost couldn't speak and called Albert 'Alice' instead. "You... you..."

Albert was sure that William had shit himself from his impressive show of force (how wrong he was) and turned, wearing the biggest Albert-smirk he had, to face William again. "Yessssssssss? I'm what?" he said evilly, because he's still evil.

William straightened, adjusting his clothes before he continued. "You expect me to _not_ touch you when I get such excellent results from it?"

Albert twitched. "What?" He didn't like not understanding what his underlings said and was getting the strong urge to beat William senseless... it would, to Albert's chagrin, still be sexy. In fact it would be so sexy watching Albert beat someone that fangirls everywhere would squeal whenever hot Albert-beating-the-snot-out-of-someone-action was presented. Poor poor Albert. He could never _not_ be sexy.

"You going deaf Albert?" William said in an uncharacteristically snarky way.

"What are you playing at William? You know I don't like games," Wesker said tensely.

"Last time I checked..." William produced a clipboard from his pocket as he strutted towards Wesker. "Which was last Tuesday – five days ago – at 9:28PM... you kind of enjoyed the game we played. So there's one game I know you like."

Albert, if he wasn't so cool, would have been creeped right the fuck out by that. As it were, he was wondering how William had fit such a large clip board in such a tiny pocket. Amazing. He'd have to look into that.

When Albert didn't respond (he was really focused on that clipboard) William got to him, shoving the clipboard back into his pocket playing with Albert's zipper. "Maybe we should play that game again..." he said seductively.

"What game was that?" Albert said resisting the urge to punch William in the face.

"The one where I touch you... and you touch me, don't you remember?" William grabbed Wesker's crotch, Albert stiffened as William's thumb smoothed circles over his p—I mean _manhood_.

"William get your gergh hand off of me," Albert said sternly.

"Gergh?" William was utterly confused.

"It's 'fucking' in fey, being the language of fairies." Albert said orange orbs flashing dangerously.

"Oooh I _love_ it when you speak fairy at me," William said pressing his hips against Albert's wrapping his arms securely around the other man.

"William have you been into the untested viruses?" Albert asked.

"I _am_ an untested virus," William said through half-lidded eyes. "You're the only one capable of testing me out..."

"Oh. Well then." Wesker lifted William up bridal style and carried him off to his bedroom. His being William's since Albert's was literally a broom closet and was no good for testing viruses or playing games or being sexy. Broom closets take away all the sexy points.

Vriska did not want things to go this way, really. If asked later she would claim she planned it this way all along, of course, but this is so not how she wanted things to go down. She wanted that Wesker guy to go out, find Nicholas Cage, capture him, and transport him through the scratch to her. Wesker seemed capable of this feat in ways no one else was.

When they got to the bedroom Wesker threw William down on the bed... roughly. William gasped! Albert stripped sexily , leather peeling off his body with impossible ease.

"W-wait!" William said, blushing fiercely at Wesker's revealed form. "I wanted to play patty-cake! That kind of touching."

"I'll patty your cake," Wesker growled crawling onto the bed and helping William squirm out of his clothes.

"Ooh Albert!" William swooned.

Albert leaned over William, ravaging William's delicate skin with his mouth. Bright red patches started to appear as a result and later they would darken into bruises but not yet! Red splotches are sexy! He positioned himself at William's entrance _and intruded_ with three tentacles that spun around really fast like a beater. Goddamn Wesker.

William arched his back and _moaned_ and then Chris walked in.

Chris was wearing nothing but a sexy pink frilly apron reading "Fuck the Chef" with little lipstick marks imprinted on it. He was in charge of Wesker's kitchen for no apparent reason. It probably had something to do with his Italian background and the fact that he can, if he wants, sound exactly like a certain womanizer assassin.

"Wesker!" Chris shouted about William's moaning. "I told you! No playing until _after_ dinner!11!11!11!"

"JOIN USSSSSS" Wesker screamed in ecstasy. "CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSS!"

"Okay." Chris shrugged, flipped his apron up to reveal his throbbing member and leapt on Albert like the animal he was.

From the hall, where Jill and Sheva were painting each other's nails and gossiping about that slut Excella, they could hear continued shouting of "CHRISSSSS" "WESSKEEEEERRRRR" and "UUUUUUNNNHHH". They figured that Wesker and Chris were fighting for dominance again. The moaning was probably just them hitting each other or something.

Sheva's nails were a pretty light blue and Jill's were hot pink. But Jill had found this funny sparkle powder and was putting it all over Sheva to make her look like a pretty vampire. :D

Back inside the room Chris pulled out, finished with a softly whimped "Wesker". Wesker _withdrew_ from William and flopped to the scientist's other side with a soft "Chris..." and William... well.

"That was bloody fucking amazing," he said, eyes alight with passion and all of the pleasure he had just received. "Why don't we do this more often!"

Chris shot Wesker in the face. "That's why."

William screamed like a girl.

Wesker reformed and sat up. "Chriiiiiis that wasn't nice. Now get back into the kitchen and make me a Jill sandwich."

Chris scowled as Wesker got a spare pair of shades out of... nowhere and put them on. Chris left and William had his cuddle time with Wesker and the girls finished putting sparkles all over themselves and went to scare some zombies (the infected ran screaming in the other direction).

Fin.


End file.
